Do we always have to define LIFE???

The need to feel a certain way about life is ever present. I don’t know about you but I believe in a higher power that already has our life map figured out and that we are all just being guided through signs or emotions. Don't get me wrong there are things that are within our control and we must seize the opportunity to control it with strength, smarts and courage.

Personally I was at a crossroads where I left a job I loved and people I so enjoyed working with after a tenure of 28 years. I have taken over three months off (first time ever) and I have been able to reprogram my thought process course correct some negative thinking and deal with some very serious personal matters. You must be saying why did I leave my job well read on.

You see when I left my job I did it for me as I felt I needed to do this. God was speaking into my life early on in the year. I had this yearning for something different I was not feeling a certain way about my professional life. When I made the decision little did I know that the decision was so timely. My Mother N Law passed away from a very aggressive form of cancer while also battling dementia. Luckily I was here to help my husband through a very rough grieving period. I would wake up daily to see he was falling into a very deep depression. The caregiver in me jumped right into support mode. I worked on giving him hope and so much love that it would make the heartache easier. We went on mini getaways and I gave him projects at home to help him while he was grieving. I just wanted him to stay busy and so little by little he was getting better.

Simultaneously I encouraged him to do his annual physical as he was not feeling well. During his check up his Doctor found a small growth on his neck. He had him visit an ENT to get it biopsied. Thank goodness it was benign however the Doctor encouraged him to remove it. We did get another ENT’s opinion and he also suggested removal due to the chance of it transforming into Cancer. I felt like a ton of bricks fell off an 18 wheeler and I was the recipient of those bricks charging right into my chest taking my breath away. My head immediately went WTF, how am I going to deal with this. How do I care for him. Unfortunately I have so much personal experience dealing with sickness, care taking and death in my own family that I jumped right back into solve and support mode. I am really good at it I hate to say.

My husband was strong and immediately agreed to have it removed. While the magic of the Holiday season was upon us on December 16th my husband had a very scary and major operation to remove this now tumor from his neck. There were some pretty concerning risks. During the operation they had to dissect a nerve. That dissected nerve caused him to have a crooked smile and some form of facial paralysis. I am happy to report that today he has about 70% of his normal smile back and he keeps getting better. He has a strong desire to be there for his children and grand babies that it is also propelling his recovery and for them I am grateful.

You see God had a plan for me. While I get messages almost daily from my former Co-workers saying that they miss me and checking in, I was fortunate enough and blessed to be able to take this time and personally regroup. I also had the opportunity to spend the holidays with family members and friends. I learned how to cook better, I took care of my husband and I have been writing about some of my experiences along the way.

I am no longer at a crossroads I am right where I need to be. I no longer try to define life and I control what is in my power and leave the rest up to that higher power. In my future blogs I will unpack some of this story as there have been some really cool things, some not so cool and everything in between that I feel the need to share. I have plans to return to work of course and also having a little side hustle that feeds my soul. I have a strong desire and the expertise to advise on such things as well as over 20 years in leadership, career and culture development that I would love to share. So stay tuned and I hope you enjoy the journey with me.